A T-girl … A Woman!

I am a transexual and I have know this all my life. Early in my life i accepted it and was happy.

Then came the time in my life where i had to be what society expected and I tried that. I never really accepted myself and had internal battles raging almost constantly. Things got pretty bad and I thought about ending my struggle.

And I did … by accepting myself again. Much better than my contemplated alternative. I realized that it was alright to be myself. Really always was and i wasted time fighting myself.

So now I’m alive and enjoying being myself. I’m not fully out but allowing my mind, heart, spirit and soul to be and soar as the woman I am is … wonderful.

Emotions are a large part of me and change rapidly. Highs and lows, laughter and tears … all part of daily life.

All that said, I find that my chronological age is one thing, and my “emotional age” as a woman is far younger, decades younger maybe. i begin my journey way behind the learning curve as compared to genetic women. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. There will be some life’s lessons that i will not learn fully in the time available to me.

For the most part I am happy, happier than I have ever been. Yet, another part of me has the the feeling that I’ve have a lot of catching up to do, especially where men are concerned. I have hid these feelings for so long now I find that my mind works overtime whenever i see a handsome man. I imagine being swept off my feet and held and kissed and exploring his body.

Sometimes i just can stop myself in my thoughts. Maybe not a teenager but certainly younger emotionally. i know not to rush head long into exploring my self but the thoughts or hormones or whatever rage on. It may even show itself in the fact that I like and want to wear short dresses and skirts rather than always knee length or perhaps longer.

All this will eventually work itself to the right and proper balance for me. I’m confident in that and in myself in what ever mode or manner I present myself.

I am happy right now. Happy knowing i am a woman and that I have a place in this world. Happy knowing that someday I will be able to fully express myself as the woman i am. Knowing that makes it somewhat easier in my moving slowly to get there and not breaking anything, myself or others, along the journey.

When I accepted myself years ago i gave up caring about the reason why I was the way I am. I am me. I am who I am, so there it is. The cause is not important, the living is. One day at a time being the best me i can, learning and developing and one day … I will blossom.

[A re-post I wrote from another site]