I have to use all I have and my wiles to attract them!

He was the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen and he was black.

He was creating feelings in my body that I didn’t want to go away, I didn’t want them to stop.

The way my body responded to his touch and his movements made me feel totally alive and completely a woman.

He did continue and we had sex, glorious sex.

Then we were lying on his bed and he penetrated me and started moving within me.

My body convulsed like, like I was going to die of something.

It was wonderful. And his movements brought that back over and over again, somewhat smaller earthquakes but noticeable.

Then when he came inside me I started all over again. Bigger and heavier than before.

Oh, me oh my. He showed me I was a woman, his woman that night.

It was wonderful.

It’s who I am.

I got to wear girls slacks and jeans and some blouses all the time. Dresses were for special occasions.

I ‘dated’ one of my boy friends in high school … we were regularly seen together. Guess the only time we were apart was when he was at football practice or game night. We were careful cause he was black and it was bad enough that I was a “girl” but dating a black was not a good thing.

Back then a song came out … Van Morrison’s ‘Brown Eyed Girl’. (Lyrics below)

Well he would sing that to me and tell me that I was ‘his’ brown eyed girl. Made me feel very special in deed.

How I long for those days now.

‘BROWN EYED GIRL’ Lyrics

Hey where did we go,
Days when the rains came
Down in the hollow,
Playin’ a new game,
Laughing and a running hey, hey
Skipping and a jumping
In the misty morning fog with
Our hearts a thumpin’ and you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl.

Whatever happened
To Tuesday and so slow
Going down the old mine
With a transistor radio
Standing in the sunlight laughing,
Hiding behind a rainbow’s wall,
Slipping and sliding
All along the water fall, with you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl.

Do you remember when we used to sing,
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da

So hard to find my way,
Now that I’m all on my own.
I saw you just the other day,
My how you have grown,
Cast my memory back there, Lord
Sometime I’m overcome thinking ’bout
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium with you
My brown eyed girl
You my brown eyed girl

Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da.

A woman, born transexual.

I dream of being an ordinary woman walking through life working, playing, interacting with family and friends and co-workers without anyone having second thoughts or second looks about my gender. To wear whatever I want to wear and continue being the person, employee and manager I am today.

It’s a dream. It’s a challenge.

A challenge that I believe I can overcome as long as there are kind and open minded people within my working/life environment. I have met some, who by their actions, are most definitely unaccepting and unwilling to allow success by those like me.

I am glad there are individuals and companies who would allow me the chance to blossom in my new role. In seeking employment I do check out carefully the company and know which will allow me the latitude to ‘change’ and still excel as their employee.

I am looking. I am hopeful. And I know my ‘time’ will come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do not take transgender tests any longer to find out whether I am or not transgender, or even what a phase of feminine I am.

I have taken the Cogaiti (Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory) on several occasions over the years and since the first time over 15 years ago. I have always, since the first time, scored in the 550-650 range. This range equates to a ‘Class 5′ or Classic Transexual. Oh, I know it is unscientific and not widely accepted however it showed something to me. Reinforced something I already knew. I still need to see a therapist or counselor and work through my journey properly.

One question on this test always struck me to my core when I read it. To my surprise one it struck me so deeply that a feeling of fright and horror overwhelmed and honestly that never happened before. The question simply stated that .. ‘a medical professional advises you of a new cure to the gender disphoria and that by taking a pill all the feminine aspects of your condition shall perish and ‘cure’ you.

Just the thought of such suggestion sent horror and shiver over my entire body and mind. I realized, this was a first time in my life I have reacted this way to a suggestion of ‘amputating’ a Girl/woman out of me. I felt literally as though a threat has been made against my life. Not just some philosophical suggestion for thought or discussion.

I have arrived at the place where I KNOW who I am and that girl in dreams is one and the same as mirror image of my soul. Known this since my ‘Ah Ha Moment’, my epiphany almost 20 years ago. I’ve long realizing how amazing it is to just be myself, to let her reign. If I took that pill, I am sure, I would not be able to be myself because I would no longer be a woman.

Since then I have slowly come to terms with inner me and have let all the walls that protected my self image I tried to present crumbled before me I started becoming her, more and more each and every day. I don’t know if by finally allowing her to take the control that it has created deeper feminine self awareness but I do know I am becoming one with image I considered myself.

As a youth and teen I always believed it was a blessing. Then at one point in my life, the denial years, I always thought of it as a curse and fought against it. However now, since my ‘Ah Ha Moment’, I am becoming a believer that it truly is a blessing. It is a gift that I can now understand and find true happiness with and even some peace. I have always embraced my femininity not turning away from it (except the short denial years).
I don’t have ALL the answers but I have enough to bee comfortable with myself and my life (as it is). My questionnaire or test question now is: Are you a woman? Y or N

The answer is without hesitation: Y!

I would rather have been born a girl and to have lived as a girl all of my life, but that was not my lot in life. I feel blessed to be right where I am today. I will continue my journey as far as it can take me.

I love wearing silk panties and nylons.

I love wearing jewelery and makeup.

I love dating men.

I love being soft and cuddly.

I love a having man’s attention.

I absolutely love being feminine, being womanly.

Since I was born transexual, if that makes me a ‘sissy’ so be it.

It is me …. that’s all I can say.

You decide!